My ER Songs

Discussing the specialty of emergency medicine, medical school, academic success, and unusual true Emergency Room stories.	Quick Search Advanced Search

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My ER Songs by Kevin Pezzi, MD

My flip, tongue-in-cheek, or otherwise just plain silly ER songs

(In the near future, I'll upload audio clips of me singing these songs.)

I’ll Never Work In The ER Again

Sung to the tune of I’ll Never Fall In Love Again

What do you get when you’re an ER doc?
Patients with a pin to burst your bubble,
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never work in the ER again,
I'll never work in the ER again.

What do you get from the emergency room?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia,
And coffee so strong that it’ll stone ya’
I'll never work in the ER again,
I'll never work in the ER again.

Don't tell me what it’s all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you,
That is why I'm here to remind you,

What do you get when you’re an ER doc?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow,
So for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never work in the ER again,
I'll never work in the ER again.

What do you get when you’re an ER doc?
Patients who drank enough beer to fill an ocean,
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never work in the ER again,
Oh, I'll never work in the ER again.

Malpractice? Not by a mile!

Sung to the tune of Gilligan's Isle

If you want to see what case inspired me to write this, read this.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,

A tale of an ER trip.

That started with a Blue Cross^® card,

And ended with an alleged malpractice slip.

The patient was having a heart attack,

His wife was adamantly sure.

$3000 they spent that day,

On a 4-hour ER tour . . . a 4-hour ER tour.

The CYA game was essential stuff,

The doctor had to be sure.

If not for these defensive medical tests,

This could be a potential malpractice lure ... a potential malpractice lure.

The patient did well for many months,

But the lawyer still filed suit,

With allegations . . . of malpractice, too.

The plaintiff wants to be . . . a millionaire!

"This Lotto is sure fun!",

Says the hired gun.

Here—it's a one-way fight!

So this is the tale of a malpractice suit,

It'll be here for a long, long time.

They'll claim all sorts of damages,

The lawyer, he will chime.

The Congress and their cohorts, too,

Will do their very best,

To make the doctors miserable;

This they'll say without jest:

"No cell phone, no lights, no motorcar,

Take all of his luxuries!

Like Robinson Crusoe,

Make him as penniless as can be!"

So join us in Circuit Court, my friends,

I'm sure that you won't smile.

'Cause you're also paying for this,

And you've been for quite a while!

The following song is dedicated to all ER doctors who are fed up with
patients trying to dupe us into giving them narcotics:

Hooked On A Narcotic

Sung to the tune of Hooked On A Feeling, by B.J. Thomas

I can't stop this feelin' deep inside of me
Narcotics, you just don't realize what you do to me
When ya hold me in your grip so tight
You let me know that I ain’t thinking right

I-I-I, I'm hooked on a narcotic
High on drugs that distort reality

To my lips they’re as sweet as candy, the buzz stays on my mind
I’ll take narcotics of any description, type, or kind
I got a bad addiction, but I don't need a cure
I'll just stay addicted ‘cause it gives me such pleasure

All the good narcotics that I’m able to con
Keep it up, drugs, yeah ya turn me on

I-I-I, I'm hooked on a narcotic
High on drugs that distort reality

All the good narcotics that I’m able to con
Keep it up, drugs, yeah ya turn me on

I-I-I, I'm hooked on a narcotic
High on drugs that distort reality

If you don't work in the ER, you may think it is cruel of me to poke fun at people
who are hooked on narcotics. Let me put it to you this way: try putting up with
their shenanigans for a decade, and then see if you aren't exasperated enough to
do more than just write a song about them!

If you're still not placated, ask yourself if it is wrong to blow off steam. Doesn't
just about everyone do that if they have a stressful job? Sure beats going postal,
doesn't it? Incidentally, people who hold in their feelings are more likely to die
of cancer.

The next song I'm working on will be sung to the tune of The Piano Man by Billy Joel.

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If you want a beautiful garage that is easy to keep organized, see the GarageScapes web site: www.GarageScapes.com.

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